The Magnificent Seven Go Online Dating

By Jeanne Fiorini

I’ve developed a workshop concept, packaged in various formats, entitled “Archetypes of Women’s Power.” 

Depending on the venue, this can be a day-long workshop complete with a Glamor magazine-style personality quiz and corresponding playing cards to keep track of your score, a two-hour Tarot class, or as occurred this past June, a 1.5 hour webinar called “The Magnificent Seven: Women of Power in the Tarot.” (The day-long workshop was originally named “What Kind of Queen Are You?” but that title proved to be both confusing and misleading.)

When you focus on the female archetypes of the Tarot for a couple of weeks on end, these characters really do become individual entities with distinct personalities. This experience got me thinking about how each one might go about creating a profile for themselves should she decide to do a little online dating.

The first section below (The Empress) was posted on my Wordpress blog around Mother’s Day, the other profiles were written to complete the panorama of the Magnificent Seven (High Priestess, Empress, Justice, Queen of Cups, Queen of Wands, Queen of Swords, and Queen of Pentacles). 

So, let’s say The Empress was about to do some online dating. She can’t help herself — ruled by the planet Venus, all matters of love (and beauty) are at the very top of her priority list. She would choose eHarmony for this project since The Empress is all about collaboration and facilitating harmonious relationships wherever she goes. Her online profile might look something like this:

Graceful, easy-going woman comfortable with herself and her environment seeks compatible partner for long-term relationship and the co-creation of numerous children. An appreciation for beauty in all its forms is a must. 

Enjoys gardening, painting, being pregnant, and sharing abundance with family and friends. Prefers the quiet comfort of home over a busy social scene any day. 

Favorite color is green (and so is naturally attracted to all trees, especially evergreens), values all kinds of adornment, fine fabrics and jewelry, especially if these involve rose quartz or any-sized emerald. (Save the diamonds for those fancy high-maintenance ladies.) Favorite number is “3.”

Dislikes include conflict, being alone, cold bath water, chaos, plastic, squares, barren landscapes, and far-flung idealism. 

A lover of nature and content in any season, enjoys long walks on the beach…hey wait a minute, I AM the beach…and the ocean…and the seashells … and the birds….

Re-Do: Graceful, easy-going woman comfortable with herself and her environment seeks compatible partner willing to bring their own equipment and join her on the beach. 

Queen of Cups


Mature emotion-centered woman seeks spirited partner for raucous lovemaking, passionate arguing, throwing of tantrums (and an occasional plate or two), and what promises to be a thrill-packed ride on the roller coaster ride of relationship.

I live life from the inside out, and enjoy deep sea diving, shell collecting, Impressionism, moping, and musing. I own several year-round homes near the ocean and large lakes; darling little rivers and streams don’t cut it. I detest details, spreadsheets, timepieces, good excuses, and dullards. Arousing my jealous nature or toying with feelings will result in grave consequences.

Suitors must be able to react intuitively,have the good sense to know when to shut up, and intermittently be required to read minds. A true heart and strong constitution will be rewarded with boundless affection and undying devotion. 

Queen of Pentacles

If you’re looking for a combination of Mary Tyler Moore, Betty Crocker, and Martha Stewart, look no further. I can bring home the bacon and cook it up in a pan and it’ll be the best darned bacon you ever had. In me you’ve found a traditional gal with an independent streak who doesn’t mind putting in effort to obtain personal security and the pretty things I so enjoy. 

I maintain a high priority on stability, consistency, the value of a day’s work, and the comforts of home; I appreciate jewelry in all its forms. Dislikes include any sort of mess, inefficiency, techno disco, tardiness, scratchy fabrics, outlandish behavior, and lack of sleep.

I don’t take kindly to being coerced, but if you give me my own time and space you’ll find me to be a supportive friend, loyal partner, and someone more than capable of providing a hearty meal … topped off by a delicious dessert, of course. 

Queen of Swords

You want to date me, fine. You’d better be worth my time.

Queen of Wands

Motivated and dynamic woman in love with life seeks partner to share same. Must possess high levels of physical energy and be able to move through life with active spontaneity. Multitasking overachievers are welcome!

People might say I’m selfish; if that’s what you call living life on your own terms then I plead guilty. Pessimists, rationalists, control freaks, and anyone comfortable in their daily routine need not apply. Likes include travel, theater, mountain climbing, laughter, beach weather, and good sex. Dislikes include boredom, white walls, jigsaw puzzles, and taking time to think. 

Must have freedom, autonomy, and fun or it ain’t gonna work. Are you up for the challenge of being in a relationship with a force of nature? Are you big enough to meet my energy and keep the fires burning? If you’re not afraid of getting scorched by the heat, come join my solar system.

High Priestess

Two-dimensional being …. umm….ommm..…ahhh..….hmmm……..never mind.

Justice


Oh aren’t you the brave one! 

Self-respecting, intelligent woman seeks partner for stimulating conversation, compatible companionship, and possible co-habitation. Long-term relationship potential must be evident at first meeting; no time will be wasted on casual chit chat. I’m not as cold as people may think, but I do have my standards.

Fair-minded yet open-minded; assertive but not aggressive; no one would call me “playful” but I do possess a sharp wit and appreciate same in others. Likes include educational vacations, Judge Judy, Greek and Roman architecture, people who take the high road, checkerboards, and being able to have your cake and eat it too. 

Lies and the lying liars who tell them will not be tolerated. All else can be negotiated.

Oh, and as far as presents go, bring me diamonds, baby. Anything else is costume jewelry.


Alright, then -- who’s ready to go out for a night on the town with this crew?


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