By Walks With Thunder
It’s true - Mothers are a gift. Now, your Mom might be the kind of gift mine was - one you’d return if you got the chance… But did I learn from her? You bet. Some Mothers are truly “gifted.” Chérie Carter-Scott, in The Gift of Motherhood: Ten Truths for Every Mother, articulates what gifted Mothers know:
Truth #1: Having a child changes your life.
Truth #2: Motherhood is an experience unlike any other.
Truth #3: A Mother has many roles.
Truth #4: Children blossom when you honor their essence.
Truth #5: Love shows up in many different forms.
Truth #6: As your child grows, so will you.
Truth #7: There will be highs and lows.
Truth #8: Remembering to care for yourself is essential.
Truth #9: There is no such thing as a perfect Mother.
Truth #10: Motherhood is a journey that never ends.
Wow. Well said. What makes a gifted Mother? A few examples float to mind.
A gifted Mother wakes from a deep sleep when her child is coughing; she knows something is wrong before she gets the phone call; she asks her child “Are you OK?” after her favorite vase has been broken.
A gifted Mother enjoys the highs and rides out the lows - carefully choosing when to be firm and when to give in. She knows how to “discipline” with a stern talk; she understands when she’s out of patience; she tries to find laughter in any situation.
A gifted Mother quietly lets her child’s essence shine, embracing her child’s unique gifts without changing who she is. She reads her child’s storybook as though it were a fascinating novel (accents and voices included), and she knows it’s never too late to try something new.
Whether it’s an injured elbow or a broken relationship, a gifted Mother always knows the right thing to say, and takes the pain away whenever she can. She stands by her child even when the child has turned away, and she knows when it’s time to say “Enough already.”
Above all - a gifted Mother knows that each child needs to be Mothered differently.
How do you teach someone to be a gifted Mother? You teach them how to listen to what was said, but especially to what was not said. This is something I teach Apprentices so they can hear what the client didn’t say (or wouldn’t say, but should have). Apprentices (and gifted Mothers) learn to listen to their inner voice, no matter what odd things it may have to tell them.
For practice, have a friend start a sentence which you will finish. With kids, it works to make it a game. Start with small impersonal stuff, like a thought about a movie or show. Your friend might say: “In the movie Horton Hears a Who, I liked how Horton sets a good example of persistence, but I was frustrated that…”(The person will just think the next part). Then, listen to your inner voice and complete their sentence. Practice awhile unit you’ve received a comfortable amount of validations. Now, you’re ready to move on to your teenagers. You’ll know what they are not saying the next time they come home late! Even they will be impressed (well, maybe shocked might be a better word…).
You’ll be amazed at how quickly you will get it when you clear your mind of thoughts and just listen. Just like in sports, some people are instantly gifted, and others get better with practice.
Same with Mothers. Some are naturally gifted, some take practice, and others choose not to try. The thing about it is there is no training manual. It’s like that old cliché - some people come to us for a reason or a season. I’ll add to that the “No Excuse Rule.” When we picked our Mother, it was because we knew she could provide the exact opportunities and experiences we needed for this lifetime. But only you can decide if she’s a Mother for a reason or a season. If you didn’t have a great Mother, find one. They’re everywhere.
Now it’s time for me to reinforce Carter-Scott’s advice: Remember to care for yourself. I’ve seen Moms struggle repeatedly with #8 and wind up needing serious intervention. Take good care of you. Your children are watching and listening, and they’re quick learners.
So, a blessing to all the gifted Mothers I know and the many Mothers who will read this:
May the Universe bless you with all that you need and everything you should ask for but don’t: with the ability to listen, to take care of yourself, and to know there is no such thing as a perfect Mother (just gifted ones), and may you rest in the beauty of knowing that as your child grows - so will you.
This month we honor the Gift of Motherhood and Mothers everywhere.