Madame Athame is a mysterious
will-o-the-wisp who offers tongue-in-cheek readings that are meant to be
taken as such. They are by no means a lesson in how to read the tarot for
Warning: If you are humor-impaired, the Reiki Master General
strongly advises you not to read Madame Athame's column.
Q: Dear Madame Athame,
I recently attended a seminar by the great visionary of men's spirituality, Arcturius Thunderjug.
He said that we all have spirit guides around us, and a special or secret spiritual name within us. He also said it's best for us to find them ourselves,
but could you please give me some help on this?
Dear Peter -
Translated, you're too lazy at this point in your life to get off your seminar-flattened butt to do any actual spiritual work on your own...sigh...Nevertheless, Madame Athame is here to serve, so here is a reading for your with the Thoth Tarot deck.
1) What is Peter Pullen's secret spiritual name?
Your spiritual name seems to be Cynolcephalus, the Ape of Tehuti. Any urges to drag your knuckles lately, honey?
2) Who is Peter Pullen's principle spirit guide?
TWO OF WANDS (Dominion) - Mars in Aries
My initial impression is that your spirit guide is a Teutonic-speaking Martian named Dominic. His skin is pocked with pink, and in his last incarnation he was a dominatrix in a castle on Phobos. You asked!