Madame Athame is a mysterious
will-o-the-wisp who offers tongue-in-cheek readings that are meant to be
taken as such. They are by no means a lesson in how to read the tarot for
Warning: If you are humor-impaired, the Reiki Master General
strongly advises you not to read Madame Athame's column.
Q: Dear Madame Athame,
I'm a science major at a well-known university. Six days ago, one of my experiments went awry while I was alone in the lab. It involved trying to come up with a more natural alternative to Viagra, and I was the sole guinea pig for the experiment. Whoops! How can I put this delicately? For this entire week, everything has been...um...at full mast. This is not easy to deal with in public places, Madame Athame. What went wrong and (I can't believe I'm asking this) how do I...uh...get things down?
Embarassed, but sincere,
A: My dear Richard,
Wow, a first! Honey, I admire your commitment to the betterment of mankind. Let's pull some cards for you. In the meantime, keep a stiff upper lip, baby!
1) What went wrong with Richard's experiment?
10 OF WANDS.
Hmm...you're already...er...carrying a lot, aren't you, honey. The "problem" is that you didn't need the formula in the first place! Next time, use less rigid subjects.
2) How can Richard ease his dilemma?
Oh dear. This is a family publication. Let's just say that the hermit is self-sufficient.
Hope that's helpful, Dearie. By the way, when that stuff you're concocting comes on the market, lemme know. I'd like to slip some to my pool boy, Gunther.